Quick Quizzes

That shouldn't be surprising. Most of us put time, money, or effort into our homes, and most of us have wished something about them were different. The interesting question isn't whether home takes up part of your life. It's how much it takes, what you get in return, and whether the balance works for you.

Time: Imagine spending an average of eight waking hours a day at home. That's the equivalent of six months of your waking life each year. Six months! Each and every year! And those hours aren't simply disappearing into thin air. They're spent in an environment that shapes your routines, your relationships, your opportunities, and your sense of yourself. Home is part of how you live, whether or not you've given it much thought.

Energy and money: Whether you rent or own, a home takes more than a monthly payment. There's the cleaning, the upkeep, the endless little jobs. And what about the costs that don't show up on a bill? Do you spend half your life driving because everything is far away? Have you skipped a dinner, a class, or a visit because getting there is too much trouble? What would you do with that time, energy, or money if you didn't have to spend it this way?

Creative attention: Here's a curious question: How often do you accommodate yourself to your home, rather than finding that your home accommodates you? Do you squeeze around the furniture? Do you forget that you have a nice winter coat because your out-of-season storage is a pain to reach? Those are hours you'll never get back. Is there a spot where you can set up a new project, or is every space already in use? At what point does making do become a way of life?

As your life changes, the work of making a home changes, too. The question isn't whether you've made a good home or a bad one. It's whether the home you've made, and the effort it takes to keep it going, will support the life you want in the coming years.

Maybe home is more of a pit stop than a destination. You spend most of your time elsewhere, use home mainly as a place to land between activities, or have other things taking up your attention. And that may be just fine.

But as you change, does your home change with you? Or have you simply stopped noticing the ways it might support the person you're becoming?

There are no right answers. We're just taking a closer look at what you put into your home, and what you get back. It's easy enough to find out. Let's do that next.

Your answers suggest that this home has the potential to serve you well. You expect to find satisfaction in it, and you expect to be able to take advantage of the opportunities it offers.

That's encouraging. Does it align with past patterns?

As you imagine this future, think about your own history. When circumstances changed in the past, did you adapt readily? Were you self-motivated and enterprising about solving problems? Did you know when to take things on yourself, when to ask for help, and when to direct or delegate the work to others? Satisfaction doesn't come from the physical space alone. It also depends on what you put into it: your time, energy, attention, and willingness to adapt. The question is whether what you expect to get out of this home will be worth what it asks of you.

Your relationship to Place will change over time, whether you move or stay where you are. The home you have now may need to change with you. A new home will ask you to adjust in different ways. And the way you respond to change may be more familiar, and more predictable, than the changes themselves.

If you take this QQ again, imagining a different home, your answers may help you distinguish between what a place offers, what it will ask of you, and what you can reasonably expect of yourself.

This is the gray area. You may be reasonably satisfied with some aspects of this home, but uncertain about others. The important question is whether the home will offer what you need, and whether you expect to be able to make use of its opportunities.

Look at your individual answers. Are you rating everything around 3? Perhaps the home seems adequate, but you aren't particularly excited about the life you imagine there. Are you in the midst of a major life transition? Is this a rough patch during which nothing looks very good? Are you anticipating difficulties that deserve attention? Maybe you just need time to adjust. Or maybe you really could expect more. The tough question is whether you should expect more from the home, or more from yourself.

Or perhaps most of your scores are high, but one is very low. That's a very different story. A particular need may not be well met, or something may be getting in the way of your ability to enjoy what the home offers.

You can sometimes change the space. You can also change your expectations of it, or reconsider how you plan to use it. Before deciding that a home is wrong for you, try to understand what is behind your answers.

A score this low suggests that you have major reservations about how well this home will serve you. Start by looking at your first two answers. Do you expect to feel welcome and appreciated? Will your basic needs be met?

If either of these is seriously deficient, that's where attention belongs. A home that doesn't offer safety, reliable food, warmth, or a sense of welcome requires more than a change in habits or furnishings. You may need help, resources, protection, or a change in circumstances. Some problems cannot be solved by individual effort alone.

But if your basic needs are likely to be met and you expect to feel welcome, look at the other answers. What do you anticipate will get in the way of a satisfying life there? Will daily tasks be manageable? Will the home support the things you want to do? Will it feel like a place where you can be yourself?

Sometimes the space can be adapted. Sometimes you can find help, change your plans, or reconsider what you expect the home to provide. And sometimes a small, practical change can make a surprising difference: clearing the piles of paper, making soup for a neighbor, or putting a cozy sweater on the edge of a seat.

These aren't magic cures. But they illustrate an important possibility: a more rewarding experience of home doesn't always require a new home or a major renovation. It may begin with making better use of what you have, or with recognizing what you need to change.

Home is created through the relationship between a place and how you use it. The goal isn't to create a perfect home, because perfect is a moving target. The goal is to find and make a home that supports the life you want, with a realistic understanding of what it will take.

It's not unusual to feel some discomfort at this point, and it's good to address that head-on. So grab your pencil again, because it's time for another Quick Quiz.

A. Do you wonder if you're being too self-indulgent? There's a difference between self-indulgence and self-awareness. Taking time to understand what matters to you isn't the same as putting yourself first at everyone else's expense. In fact, understanding what you need from home can help you make more effective and purposeful choices about how you live.

B. Are you concerned that thinking about home might turn you into a mush-for-brains Suzy-Home-maker? The stereotype of Suzy-Home-maker can make the whole subject seem narrow, old-fashioned, or even a little ridiculous. But making a wonderful and fulfilling home doesn't have to mean giving up your other interests. The question is how your choices about home might expand your life and support the things that matter to you.

C. Is the subject boring because you don't care much about home? It's just there? Go back to the second QQ. How much of your time, energy, and money do you already spend on creating and maintaining a home? If it adds up to a substantial part of your life, might it have a better-than-neutral impact on you?

D. Are you focused on something else to the exclusion of making any kind of home? That's certainly possible. Some people spend years focused on their work before they turn their attention to making a home. Making a home doesn't just happen. It requires attention and skill, and it's one of the defining acts of adulthood. But it isn't the only one. The question is whether the time has come to give home a little more of your attention.

E. Do you see creating a home as someone else's job? Homes are shaped by the people who live in them. You may not be responsible for housekeeping, and you may not own the place. You may rely on others to make changes or provide assistance. None of that means you're absent from the process. You already have a relationship with the place where you live, and you have a part in shaping that relationship. Other people can help you make a home, but they can't decide what home should mean to you.

F. Does it seem far-fetched to talk about HOME in terms of emotional fulfillment and personal growth? You're right that this isn't the usual choose-your-favorite-color approach. Color and furnishings matter, but they can't do all the work. What makes a home meaningful is the way its material qualities connect with your experiences, emotions, values, and daily life. The process of making a home only works when it involves you, not just your taste.

G. Do you wonder if you really have choices? It's important to be matter-of-fact and pragmatic. You can only make useful plans if you're realistic about your options. You may have little choice about where you live, how much money you have, or what changes are possible. But even when your choices are limited, you may have some say in how you use the space, what you ask of it, and what support you seek. The point isn't to pretend that every circumstance is within your control. It's to identify the choices you do have, and make the most of them.

H. Does making choices about home seem too complicated? Any place, and I do mean ANY place, can be made beautiful, but that's not the central concern. Choosing whether or when to move, or where to live, can feel overwhelming. All the interrelated issues can seem like a mobile, with its parts in constant motion. Every time you consider one factor, the others seem to shift. But there's an underlying structure. Good decisions depend on recognizing that structure. Put another way, good decisions don't depend just on asking the right questions, but on asking them in the right order and respecting their context. Let's start with the question that matters most: What do you want your decisions to accomplish?